College update

Well, I'm about halfway through the semester of my sophomore year. This year has been a huge growing time for me in my life. I've encountered some hardships and challenges that have really stretched me. The first few weeks of school were rough because of the passing of my grandpa and the declining health of my grandma Hamlin. I felt very torn because I knew I needed to be at school and focus on school and  soccer but my heart was at home with my family. Now there are some days that are harder than others, but it has definitely made me treasure my family so much more than I already did.

Soccer has been going pretty well. We went undefeated in conference for the third year in a row and now we are starting the conference championship. While I'm not where I want to be skill wise, I am still forever thankful for the program and the experiences and awesome girls I get to play and live with. We've had a very successful season so far and we are really hoping to make a great run in the national tournament.

This year I moved out of the traditional dorm room and into what SAU calls the village. I'm rooming with two other soccer girls. Each suite has two rooms, two beds in each room, attached to a bathroom. Our fourth roommate transferred so there are only three of us. We put all four beds and our desks in one room and have the other room as a living room. In there we have a couch, a futon, a lazyboy, a lounge seat, three mini fridges, and a tv. It's a pretty nice set up :)

This semester as far as my class schedule goes has been very monotonous. Monday, Wednesday, Friday I pretty much do the same thing everyday and then Tuesday and Thursday I do the same thing every day. While it may be very routine, luckily I am enjoying the content of most of my classes and I am learning a lot of new information, some of which still goes over my head sometimes in my junior/senior classes. A lot of what I'm learning this year is about the early church and all the doctrines that were being formed so I am discovering to really know my beliefs and form my own opinions about the Bible and the church.

Also because of my major, I have to have a supervised ministry this year (ministry lingo for an internship). Last year I started going to a church in Jackson and really liked it there and thought it did a great job of serving the community so I chose to do my ministry there. I'm interning with their women's/connections pastor. I try to go into church once a week to get a better sense of more of the behind the scenes stuff that goes on daily, then I go in early Sunday and participate in both services. The church is fairly large, with about 1400 people attending between the two services. What this means for me is that each week I am constantly meeting new people. I love it, the church is so loving and puts so much emphasis on helping the community which is one of the things that drew me to it last year.

As always, this semester has flown by and I know the next few weeks are just going to go by even faster. This was pretty much just a quick overview of my school life so far this year. I'm hoping to sometime have more time to go deeper with what's been going on in my life but for now this will have to do. I just thought I would share kinda what my semester looks like so people back at home know I'm still alive and well :)

First day of school, all of us with our backpacks

A group of us from my village dressed up for our annual halloween party. 

I was wheezy the penguin from one of the Toy Story movies

Bubble soccer! Instead of practice one day, coach let us play bubble soccer

Choptober fest, dress goofy, eat donuts, throw knives, and have fun scaring people...

My last goodbye

As many of you already know or also experienced, this week was a rough one. Friday early morning my family lost a wonderful dad, grandpa, and great-grandpa. We had known for several months that he had cancer, but not too long ago we found out it was actually stage 4. For the past weeks he has been in and out of the hospital trying to fight it. Recently though the fight became too much for him and he decided that he would wanted his last days not to be spent miserable from the chemo. I think many of us sympathized with him on that however hard it was for us to hear.
Then Wednesday night I got a call from my dad. He told me that grandpa probably wasn't going to make it through the weekend. The next few days were a blur of confusion, loneliness, and sadness. It was pretty much a waiting game and so my parents were telling me to finish my classes. I still thought that I would be able to see him one last time on Friday once my morning class finished up. However, Thursday night my mom called me to say that he probably wouldn't make it through the night. I'm not really good at always speaking what is on my mind so when my asked if there was any thing I wanted to tell him all I could muster out was that I loved him. However I already felt guilty for not being there in person, and there was so much I wish I could have told him. So when I got back to my room I started to write him a letter. It was my way of saying goodbye. I was hoping that I would be able to read it to him in person, unfortunately I was too late.
So here's my letter to grandpa. Writing is always easier for me than saying things out loud. I don't know why I felt compelled to put it in my blog but maybe it will help with grieving and remembering the good times, I don't really know...

'Hey grandpa, I'm going to be honest here, goodbyes aren't really my thing. I tend to try to avoid them like the plague. I'm not good at them and I don't ever know what to say. That's pretty much why I didn't come see you last Sunday. I was scared. Also I didn't really realize how bad things were. For some reason I thought in my mind that I would have until at least thanksgiving with you. Plus I wanted my last memory of you to be a good one. I don't know if I was wrong in thinking that, I probably was and am regretting it now, but anyways that is what kept me from going. I'm sorry. But I guess if you're hearing this then that means that I was able to say goodbye. (and even if I don't then I hope you can see this from heaven) I'm sorry that you got sick so fast. I know you fought the best you could. I hope that you enjoyed all that this life had to offer while you were better. Life is a beautiful thing and you've had quite the journey. For as long as I've been alive you've always been so funny and ornery. It seems like you did have a pretty good life. All of my aunts and uncle are amazing. You raised some really special people. Each of them brings so much to this family and I admire and respect and love each of them so much. I feel like I don't share my emotions nearly enough around you and all of them and if there's one thing I regret it is not telling everyone how much I love them. Grandpa I love you so much. I love your goofy childlike spirit. I love how you always use to head butt Chris to say hello or goodbye. I love all the crazy games you made my aunts and mom do each Christmas. (The butterfly catching one was one of my favorites). I love how you have a million elephants. Are you sure you really like elephants that much or do you just not feel like telling people to quit giving them to you? I'm still not sure how all of them fit into your apartment. I love how you can have a witty or sarcastic comment for everything. I'm pretty sure I must get a little sass from you. Among this list there's a ton of other things I love about you too and I'm sure all your kids and other grandkids would have even more things than you can imagine. But more than anything I love that I get to call you my grandpa. 
Maybe why I'm so bad at goodbyes is that I  don't really believe in them. I don't think that a person is ever truly gone. Because as long as I have love and memories of you then you'll always be in my heart. Plus some day we'll all have a giant family reunion where cancer and sickness doesn't exist and we can all be together and continue to love one another and love our wonderful creator. Even though I'm really sad and confused at the world right now, it doesn't stop me from believing that God has so much more in store for all of us, and earth is just a difficult trial we all go through so that when we reach Him, our reward is that much greater. 
The other night here at school we had a worship night. I was surrounded my all my friends and I was just singing and all of a sudden I was reminded that one of the greatest gifts we have is joy. And even though it doesn't make any sense right now, or even then that night, I was just struck by the fact that in the midst of this crazy awful world we can somehow still have joy. For a long time I've been forgetting about this. Take even the small things as an example of this. Take McKenzie for example. Such a bundle of energy and curiousity and love for people. And even you grandpa, you remind me to be joyful, to have a playful spirit and even through the rough times I'll remember that joy can always be had. I love you so much grandpa and I will always remember the good times and I will continue to try to find joy in everything that I do because honestly sometimes that's all we have left to hold onto and right now that inner joy that only God can give is the only thing giving me strength right now. I love you so much grandpa.'

Summer 2015

This summer was hard to say the least. Physically, spiritually and emotionally I was pushed to my limit. I worked my first full time job at a factory, where I was on my feet from 7 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. Then most days right after work before I would even come home, I would have to workout for soccer. I could never wait until later in the evening because then my body would realize how tired it was and so I tried to get the work out done while I was still numb from work. The first couple weeks of work my feet ached more than they have ever before. I had to wear steeled toe boots with metatarsals strapped on to them as well. At my job I pushed around a cart and collected parts (it was an axle factory). Once I had my parts collected I would create either a box or set up a skid depending on how big of an order I had. My orders ranged anywhere from 2 small bolts that I would just throw in a bag up to having to lift 75 pound boxes, 50 pound hubs or 50 pound springs. Each day I would leave drenched in sweat. After a couple weeks though my body adjusted to constantly being on my feet and I became stronger so the physical work wasn't so bad. However it was around the beginning of July when we had some management shifts and things pretty much went downhill from there. The month of July dragged on and I couldn't wait to be done. (That's all I'll say about that).

Emotionally this was a tough summer too. This spring my grandma and grandpa Hamlin moved into a nursing home. My grandma had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and things were getting hard for them to live on their own. I got to visit with them a few times, (not nearly as much as I should have) and while they seemed to being okay whenever I visited them, I think the hardest part of all of it, is seeing the tole it has been taking on my dad. He went to see them almost every day it seemed and when he was at home he has had a lot of paperwork to take care of as well. My grandma has gotten progressively worse and so my dad and his brothers and sister have had to take on more and more responsibilities in helping my grandparents out. It's been really hard seeing my grandma get worse and seeing how much my dad and uncles and aunt have to help my grandparents. I just feel blessed though watching my dad go through all of it because it just shows how great of a person he is to be so caring toward my grandparents. I hope that once my parents get to the point where they can't take care of themselves that Chris and I will be as willing and loving to step in and help them because my parents have done so much for us as we've grown up.
My grandpa Ruzbasen also has gotten pretty sick this summer. A couple weeks ago we got a call that he was in the hospital. We found out he has lung cancer. He was in the hospital for several weeks going through chemo and radiation, It's really hard to see this part of the family because they live around 3 hours away but my family did make it up to see him while he was in the hospital. He was in better spirits than I was expecting to find him but he wasn't looking real great. After some rehab he was able to go home but I'm pretty worried about him.

All in all I learned that getting old just sucks. It definitely taught me to appreciate the phase of life I am in now. (Even when I am dying from working 8 hours a day and then working out)

Even though this summer was a rough one, it did have quite a few good memories. At the beginning of the summer (before the mosquitoes became flesh eating superbugs) I enjoyed bonfires almost every weekend and created some great memories with great friends. I did my first color run, and then spent the next 3 weeks finding sparkles in my hair. Then a week before the 4th of July I found out I had that entire week off of work so on a Thursday my mom and I booked a plane for two days later and so Saturday we were able to join all my aunts and cousins down in Florida for an awesome relaxing week of fun in the sun.

Now my summer is over and preseason for my second year of soccer at Spring Arbor is about to begin. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me!